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I am one who requires space to finish and begin. I need to sort out what I need to let go of, and feel settled in a fresh direction.
It needs to feel right.
Finishing a year is no different. Though the calendar measure of a year may be artificially imposed, it still feels like a container of time – one that can be closed so that a new one may open.
Every year feels thick with events, lessons, memories, and energies.
What happened in 2018? What felt significant? What did I learn? To me, these are such important questions…
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I had my last of three surgeries over the course of 3 years. I am only truly beginning to feel the increase of energy, vigour, and momentum that finally feels mine to claim and for which I feel overwhelming gratitude-
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Olivia and I saw the musical ‘Hamilton’ in Portland, which was not only a dream come true for Olivia but a stage performance so outstanding that I still struggle to describe it. On this trip I also re-connected with a childhood friend (she also arranged tickets to the show for us) and we discovered that our girls are also kindred spirits. It was a trip of lovely synchronicities and coming full circle.
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We then embarked on a family trip to Disneyworld where I absolutely delighted in watching the kids full-on PLAY! We were at the parks by dawn, rode almost every ride, and laughed our heads off. It was a fabulous memory-making adventure.
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I spent the summer on our porch reading, researching, learning, and writing. I remembered how much I savour my hermit time and truly honoured this about myself rather than feeling guilty for needing it.
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We supported Olivia in her first real summer job, and witnessed all of the big lessons that come from venturing out into the world of work.
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We climbed a mountain and were so proud of our shared accomplishment.
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We started the kids at new schools which, though we still know was the right decision, ended up being loads more difficult than we ever could have imagined. The kids, however, persisted and stayed open, and bravely manoeuvred change.
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I fell and broke my hand and ended up in a cast for 5 weeks. I learned, again, that I am resilient and can work around circumstances, but I felt the frustration and annoyance of being physically hindered and found it hard to imagine what some people with much bigger issues must go through.
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Alex, Olivia, and I played around with making podcasts and I learned that I loved the creative process of creating audio, even the editing.
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I watched my dad put down and grieve his beloved dog and constant companion. I then watched him delight in finding a new pup to love, bringing new joy and life to our family.
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We spent much of December honouring the longevity of FWBA Arch, 90 years of continuing successful practice… it felt significant to recognize the long line of talented and invested people who have contributed to the built landscape of Southern Alberta.
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We had what I affectionately labeled, ‘A Big Fat Fabulous Family Christmas.’ It comprised of several days of celebrating and fun, and 24 people at our table for Christmas dinner. These are the moments and the memories.
And so it is…. a beautiful full and complex year….continued evidence that life is messy and gorgeous and infinitely magical –
and an ongoing tapestry of love.
I welcome with open arms 2019, and look forward to all that is to come. I no longer aim to live fearlessly but rather move forward despite fears –
Love and trust will navigate.
Happy New Year to all of you, so dear .
This year is going to be luminous.